THE JOURNEY BACK TO ME (Kev’s story-part 3)

  My ‘recovery’ was and still is a progressive ascent back to reality which  is an ongoing thing and something I need to keep working on daily as I am the kind of person who, if there is an easier way through hard times, tends to take the shortcuts. Having said that, every time I tried to cut corners I ended up going round in circles and coming back to the issue that I had tried to avoid in the first place. I have found many solutions along the way towards the person I have become today, which is one I have learnt to live with, warts and all. I have accessed all kinds of services and each one of them gave me what I needed to get by at that particular moment in time. I am wary of getting into any specific kind of structured intervention here as I don’t want to sound pro this and anti that or supportive of one way rather than another. I feel that the journey I took included practically every different kind of service that was available and all served their purpose. Each one of them doing for me what I couldn’t do for myself at that particular time on my journey. Each different stage of my journey was essential to me becoming the person I am today and each one gave me a different perspective on a future that at one point seemed very dark and very limited. All the services I accessed had a different way of dealing with the many issues that I had and I feel that if one had been missing or taken out of the equation then I perhaps would not have made it this far, if I had made it at all. My solution ultimately was within and once I was strong enough to stand on my own two feet and look at myself and deal with the chaos that I was carrying inside, I started to get stronger.

Some of the most powerful and most definative support that I recieved on my journey was from likeminded people. Getting involved in mutual aid, peer support groups was, in my opinion where I learnt the most and got the most support. I really had arrived when I made it that far, and had found a family that knew me, probably better than I knew myself. They laughed when I laughed, cried when I cried, I had found somewhere to belong, and the people within every geoup I ever became part of gave me that emotional attachment that I had searched for most of my life.

So with the professional support and eventually the support of my peers, I found my solution and my reality. Not always a good thing but I know today that I have friends who are real and not just aquaintances. And I don’t have to face tomorrow alone. Still haven’t got a clue whpo Kevin really is but instead of runnign from him today I’m beginning to enjoy finding out. I’m not worthless. useless or any of the other negative things I used to believe about myself. I am a human being trying to get through life as best he can and help others to deal with the same shit I came through. I am beginning to enjoy my life instead of enduring it, I still get the odd euphoric moment, or the odd moment when I miss the old me but my thoughts won’t kill me!! My actions nearly did on numerous occasions and at the time I probably wished they had, not waking up in the morning had a strange appeal to it. Not today, not for me. All that chaos destruction, pain, etc, etc and I was the solution all along!!!!

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